What I've heard, smelled and almost stepped in recently, at the library...
-"we use to call it the boob-tube"
-a library patron who smelled like cookies
-a library patron who smelled like stale fast food
-"plastic fantastic"
-"my shrimp salad resulting in a night of 'emptying'"
-all eugene radio pod: to sir with love, that tally me banana song, non-beatles here comes the sun, and "if you wanna know if he loves you so, its in his kiss..."
-"when syphilis gets to the advanced stages..."
-"we call that cut and run"
-"just don't cut the mustard"
-"just drop that book in the old jiffy slot"
-orange slimey puddle with chunks

Fancy pants
I'm wearing my high maintenance pants today. They have those back pockets with buttoned flaps. The corners of the flaps curl and look kind of dumb. This is where the maintenance part comes in. After I remove them from the dryer I spray the flaps with water to moisten them. Then I carefully tuck the corners under to prevent them from curling later. Great care must be taken to leave the corners tucked while riding in the car to my destination, only then can the corners be untucked. All is well with this plan, unless I forget to untuck upon arrival. Then I end up looking dumber than I would have in the first place, with the corners of my pocket flaps still tucked. Life is hard.